Its hard to think that someone could be inspired and depressed the night before such an epic event. Well.... My cosplay didn't some in for various reasons, so I got one from the Holloween Outlet. God. The people who work there oviously have nothing to do with themselves. Two girls just HAD to come over and 'help' me and my mom wile Alissa (xxlislisxx) chased my 4 year old brother Matt around. And of COURSE my loud mouth mother LOVES the help. She's so loud whe she talks! It pisses me off. She wonder why im so quiet! Its becuase I cant ever speak for myself. I tried to make it clear that I didnt want "help" trying on different Kimono-like things by saying "Mother, this is embarrasing" "We have the stuff we need, I can try this on without people watching me..." GOD. Everything there looks slutty on the package. Most of the stuff would have fit me if i didnt have huge ass boobs. Damn. It made me feel fucking fat. Im AVERAGE. Seriously. I had $300 to go, but now my mom borrowed $40. She's like "Will you be mad?" um, HELLO! If I say yes you'll just get pissed off and tell me how selfish I am. It not a question mom. Its more like "Im taking $40 from the money you earned all by yourself becuase you saved it all the way from the beginning of the summer, and dont get mad becuase im going to spend it on gas money, beer, and cigarretts." Yeah, whatever. Bitch. She's making me bring lunchmeat and stuff to Anime Boston so I can make my own food like all the other girls are doing there (according to Jackie's mom.) Get this. I paid like $50 to be able to stay in the room with like, 7 other people so I could sleep on the floor both nights? Seriously, are you kidding me? WTF. Three of us will be on the floor. Cant we switch it so we can each sleep in a bed one of the nights? Jeez. My Back is going to kill. Im so depressed. Its going to be embarrasing to wear the "yukata" me and my aunt made out of bathrobes. Its so EMBARRASING. I wanna just wear the good one I got. At least its pretty. It's like people dont understand how important it is for me not to look like an idiot. Im already treated like one! Seriously! I just need to THINK for a second. I didnt get much practice talking. My Mother did that for me. I men really. She's SO loud. We went to go get a haircut (and I loved it) by when me and my mom were talking in the little waiting area its lick she was ehcoing throughout the circullar Rob Roy. She also talks to ANYONE. The receptionast didnt speek the best english in the world, but they couldnt stop talking about thier kids. INCLUDING ME. Dont talk about me when im right there. She was saying how great an artist I was and blah blah blah. She dousnt even care about ym art, but she BRAGS about it. Whenever i show her anything she's like "thats awesome" and just walks away. You dotn do that! Hello! Whats awesome about it? Who do you think it is? Any flaws? Liek my coloring choice? Have I improoved? nah. Its "awesome". Jeez, this stuff I just had to get offmy chest. Im so worried about tomorrow. I dotn know how well I will fit in. I mean.. I know everyone there cept' Teyumi (jackies friend from conneticut who's real name is sarah) but still... Im quiet. It's just. I DONT want to be a BOTHER but I dont want to be IGNORED. God. Just. God. Im concerned about my hair too. The Black Orched Ball is there and I need to look HOT. I mean, I cant do my hair or whatever without a straightener, which I dont have... but.. *sigh* I just.... dont know. Not to mention stuff with Alex is.. complicated. It's like im going to burst. My friend is IN LOVE WITH ME. And he annoys the shit out of me. He's litterally asked me out 3 times with suicidal like notes and im just like "NO GODDAMN IT! YouR A FUCKING POT HEAD ALCHOHOLIC SMOKER! NO." Of couse I dont say it like that, but come on. Its just annoying. Nobody wants to go out with him because he's a self centered jerk who wont SHUT UP and says things in the middle of class liek "I didnt do my homework cuz i wuz rokkin out with my JUG-A-LOW homies" WTH is a jugalow? Aparently it has something to do with a band or whatever. But i just keep thinking "jigalow jigalow jigalow" and if he was good looking it would be true. All he does is brag about how he got to "second base" with this junior named Megan who only dated him because she pittied him. Man, I PITY HER. I mean, god, nobody cares! Your an annoying wanna be wigger moron who got caught by his mom doing pot and BRAGS about it 3 weeks in a row. Damn it. Go away. Let me know who my real friends are. I have NEVER had friends like this, I dont want to go back to how I was before I met them all. They litterally saved my life. My pot head friend included.

Jeez.
I
am
auch
a
pussy.

Love me? Miss me? i'll try and have a good time. I know I will.
I feel better after saying all that! Phew.